just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The power of my boobs compel you
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
