I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
