good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
