I'm laying in your front yard are you home
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
