Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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