There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
