There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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