She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
