I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
