i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
