Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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