My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
