Me. At least after what I've been through.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
