I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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