I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
