I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize