Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
