I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
