i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Randomize
