I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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