Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
