halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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