if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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