...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
