u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
