its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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