yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
