foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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