im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
