I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
