drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
