my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
