My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
