idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize