I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
