I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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