We got so high we made milksteak
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
