I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
