but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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