tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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