lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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