maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
