forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
