Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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