After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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