You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
