I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
