flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
