Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
