Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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