On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
