he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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