please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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