the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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