Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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