This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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