we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
