that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize