That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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