I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
