It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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