I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
