so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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