They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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