I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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