ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
