i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
